COLLEGES WANT OUR VIRGINITIES

The college, which wishes to remain anonymous (It rhymes with Orange) said it was well within its rights to ask for student’s virginities as submission as it was in the University rules. We failed to contact the University as our correspondent got lost in it. We still haven’t got him back. If anyone finds him, please email him to us.

“They can’t just ask for my virginity” a student proclaims. “I’m saving my flower for someone special” said Monica. “No one calls it flower anymore” said Rachel. “Unagi” said Ross. “I have a boyfriend” said a girl. “People will write fake articles if they are bored” says I.  “It’s a moo point.” says Joey.

“It’s just for five marks. I would have considered if it was for more." said a male student. “I have lost it” said another. “It’s not fair. They should have given us more time to submit.”

Unreasonable submissions are on the rise complain students from various streams. They ask us[students] to just copy and paste. We [students] can hardly use anything other than our smartphones, how do you [the man] expect us to CTRL+C and CTRL+V things.

Bottom line is Universities are more like the Wonderlands from Alice in Wonderland and they are ruled by Mad hatters. And without a degree, no one is anyone. (no offence meant to no one.) And we have to slog our butts off to graduate.

Thank god we have pot.

GROUPS 101

The 21^st century was the pioneer of the concept “Group”. As per Teen 101 dictionary the term group can be defined as “teenagers from same or different institute irrespective of their gender come together for the sole purpose of doing nothing but timepass.”

The concept of group prevails in schools but it enters usually at the end year of our school life. As we commence with our college life The Real Group starts. Movies, music, parties, relationships, etc are the features of group!!

Groups are of three types 1. Girls-Girls Group (La Group) 
2. Boy-Boys Group (Dude Group) 
3. Girls-Boys Group (Mixed Group) 
FYI I took the liberty of naming them.

La Groups are small with five girls. If it increases they can’t stand each other. If it the count decreases, its not a group anymore. This group is best known for doings Gossips (Regardless of topic). There are frequent screaming situation observed in this group for instance they celebrate “Seeing” each other by screaming and hugging! They even walk on the road holding their hands (if boys do that...i need not say any further).

La Girls is the most controversial kinda group among all. Usually the members criticize “other” people outside the group but La Girls criticize their own group member, unusual but true! For instance Riya, Rima and Revati, three girlfriends are talking and Riya goes off the sight for some reason,

Rima, “Dont you think Riya is mean?"

Revati, "Yeah! Totally I was gonna tell tell same...” and blah blah...

After sometime if Revati goes off the sight

Riya, "Whats all that about? Why is Revati showing so much attitude?”

Rima, "I don’t know but she has been the same since beginning. I don’t like her”

Well here Who-Likes-Who is a paradoxical question!! But when they are together the collectively criticize others.

The Dude Group is the most Happy-Go-Lucky group! History has witnessed that many successful films are made on this kinda group. There are usually three or maximum five members.

They don’t gossip, they don’t criticize because lets face it they don’t really care! Fun is their only motto. Movies are their oxygen! Planning, organising, co-ordinating, rules, limitations are the words not in their dictionary!

They share only fun and happy moments and sneak their asses out in complicated situation unless the situation is too damn serious.

These groups usually last long. They fight on silly things and forgive after split second! They never care to wish happy birthday, friendship day, or any such crap for them everyday is friendship day but they are totally concerned with Party!

One friend to another,”Hey dude happy birthday!!”

Birthday boy, "bastard it was yesterday...”

“Anyway where is the party, Jackass!?!?”

There is nothing much to say about this group. You give them the latest iPhone, a Xbox to play with, a bike to ride, cool remote controlled car or helicopter, hundreds of movies and they are happy as hell!

Mixed group it could be as small as five or as large as twenty or even more! They prefer calling them by certain “name” such as Magic, Juvenile, Parindey etc and creating facebook groups by name “magic rockers!” anything with “rocker” at the end! (or sometime with Roxxxxx at the end)

9 out of 10 times this group is formed in college or class! And is mostly likely to break at the end of academic year. And when few of the group members meet after some year they are like, “oh we used to have so much fun!!”

(FYI the above sentence is usually said by a girl or a boy unless he is gay or talking to another girl)

Members of mixed group constitute of some geeks, some Romeos, fashion freak girls, freak girls, beautiful girls, dumb boys/girls, some who don’t care about group, some Oh-No-My-Mom-Wont-Allow people!

They love celebrating each and every day. They go  “Haaapppyyy fraaaandship day guyzzzzz!!!!!” (Extra the "a", extra the "z",extra the flava)

They’ll call each other in the middle of night just to wish Happy B’day. They make plans, hell lotta plans but the problem is never implement one!

Most of the problems are seen in This group. Sometimes there are even groups within group, few don’t talk to other few they are like...

“If he is coming then I’ll not am sorry”

Relationships prevail in this group promptly. Name me one single mixed group without a single relationship and i‘ll kiss you in public (provided "you" is a girl, hot).

Favourite hobby of mixed group is taking photos where ever they go and uploading them on facebook and commenting till their fingers start paining and typing nothing else than “guys had a lots of fun” “totally you remember this?” “you remember that?” and “bullshit”! favourite poses are standing in a cirle, making a star of fingers, legs etc!!!

This is an observation from a distance. I am myself a part of a Dude group with my best friends.
so, its not judgemental. just observational.

-Fate

COLLEGE LIFE

 
Smashing the snooze button as hard as possible, barely swallowing breakfast, after a quick shower, you put on your old faded jeans, a cool T-shirt, spray some deodorant and leave for college, missing that one train that made you barely reach the college in time. At the parking near the gate, you give yourself a final look and set your hair in the rear view mirror of someone’s bike. Then you enter your class, If it’s more than 15mins late, it’s over you can’t go to the class even when you know you can still make it, somewhere in your heart you want to just sit in the canteen and goof around and by any chance if you make it you select the last bench behind a huge and tall guy and patiently wait only to sign the attendance sheet.

Almost every student keeps looking at the professor but with their minds somewhere in the canteen or at the door, waiting for “that special person” to come in. Well, there are few party poopers in the class “The first benchers”, they look at exams as a war and try every fair and unfair means to stand out of the crowd, they want their not so beautiful faces in the college magazine with a tag line “topper of the year” , they make proper notes of every topic taught in class and there are few “brilliant students” who takes the Xerox of that notes few days before the exam and says “It’s worth a shot, huh?”. Joking and gossiping from behind your huge chemistry book, playing Tic-Tac-Toe on the last page of the only book you have brought to the class, writing your name in different fonts just to look which one looks cooler or throwing a paper ball at you friend and look away, as if you are the most innocent bastard on the face of the earth are the ways usually used to kill time. By the end of the lecture, everyone is restless and keeps glancing at their watches, slamming books and dropping bags. The professor mercilessly continues teaching, in this situation the worst thing you can hear is professor saying “I am taking the next lecture I want to complete this topic”. Then the most awaited sound comes, the sound of bell ringing, you know you can’t sit the next lecture, because you made a promise to certain some one that you would meet, so you tell your friend to look for the next teacher while you plan escaping via back door.

You can’t expect getting a table in canteen in recess. So if you want to rest your ass on a sit the only way is bunking the previous lecture and grab a sit. Once you get the table you are not leaving it till 5.45 in the evening. When you are sitting on the table with friends you are going nowhere you are like
“kya boor ho raha hai yaar”
“bohat bhook lagihai, kuch khaneko la!”
But no son of a bi*** is ready to get up and walk to the staff and place the order, unless you are too desperate.

During monsoon you see the most beautiful phase of college. You don’t care getting wet in the rains as you don’t have any important thing as such in your bag. That puddle of water in front of the college which few hate can be a matter of enjoyment for others. It’s fun sipping a nice cup of coffee giving a warm feeling to your throat in cold mornings. Exchanging that secret smiles across the tables, telling your friend about your latest crush, you get that teasing from your friends when your crush passes by, the thrill of bunking, the fun of partying and watching movies, That awaked moment when you face the person you were talking about, The feeling when first time we spoke or were introduced to the one we secretly admired and loved, walking by her side while she has no clue what you feel about her, the joy that comes when you receive that “yes” from that one person you has always loved, Taking a romantic rainy walk with someone special on the Marine drive, all that pranks that we pull off; are just too good to miss in life. That taste of tears when you lose your friend, remembering the time when we used to be best friends and now act like total strangers makes your heart cry, the pain that we feel when we are dumped or ditched can rush all the emotions through our veins, to the heart out of nowhere.

The rose day, sari and tie day, chocolate day, college festival is the most awaited days. All “dress to kill”, guys look all hot shots and girls look, well, just HOT and don’t forget the friendship day and the Valentine’s Day. College is the place where most of us make friends of life time.

 The trickiest part of college is we have to pull off our studies, especially when we have so much to distract us, but most of us manage it pretty well and come out as a success. One has to keep a fine balance between enjoyment and what we are here in college. At least make an effort to stand-up somewhere close to your parent’s expectations.

-Amod