Thursday, 2 August 2012


On planet Effing, Sector XVII-A Mr.Fridglee sat in his car – A beat-up Fjord – and thought hard. He sat in his car and thought hard, because that was what excellent HomeMasters did. And he had a serious problem to solve.
His eldest daughter was in love with an Earthling. A freakin Human Being! Of all species in the universe, she went for a Homo-freaking-Sapien. What the eff was wrong with her? Homo Sapiens did nothing but eat, poop and watch TV. No scientific progress or philosophical progress. They lived on a little bluish green planet just over a million light years away. Their advance intelligence was highlighted by the point that they were slowly polluting their own planet and slowly destroying it. Ha! Intelligent species my pseudopodia!

 He got out of the car and slammed the door shut. He was going to go and have a nice little chat with her. And she better listen to him. She had to marry some ugly looking Effling. A strong one would do too. But it had to be from the same species.

“Hey, dad!” his son called out to him. Skerridge, at 196 months, was a completely crazy. His dream was to go to some alien planet and through his writing skills, terrorize and tyrannize them. Nurd!
“I was searching the ether for some info on Homo Sapiens and look what I found!”
“They are complete doucheubagz!”
“Oh. Then go tell that to your sister.”
“Look- they are destroying their own planet, they fight with their neighbours, they actually like gay singers and they don’t wear any clothes at the beach!”
“And hey dad, I wanted to ask you something...”
“Do you need my permission?”
“Then go ahead and do it.”

After an hour (which consisted of three earth minutes), Mr.Fridglee came out of his daughter’s room. He had successfully convinced her that marrying an Earthling rather than an Effling could lead to serious possible injury and was unadvisable.
In the living room, he found the rest of his family staring solemnly at him.
“What happened?” he asked.
“He’s gone.” Replied his wife.
“Who’s gone?”
“Skerridge? Where?!”
“What?! When!?”
“Just now. By the InterGalactus.”

Skerridge was gone. Mr.Fridglee felt like a piece of lungs was pulled out. Skerridge was his only adopted son. Well, not exactly adopted. He found skerridge tied to a nuclear warhead playing with the detonator. But wait...He would need...
“He would need a new identity...!”
“I think he already made one.”
“Whats his new name then?”
“Its K something.”
“Yeah.  Its K4VI.”


1 comment: